My View of You: Victim 4

You Can't Measure Fear

When I was a kid, my parents took our family to the circus. The play-it-safe clowns could not hold my attention, but the acrobats were among my favorite acts.  I now understand it was the adrenaline I experienced watching them that made them a favorite. I thought the acrobats were fearless.  I wanted to be that free. I grew up thinking that fearless people existed. The opposite is true. Everyone has fears. What I used to see as fearless people are in fact fear-seekers. To face fears you have to identify those fears and choose your response: play it safe, live on the edge, fight or flight. 

Recklessness is not something I admire, courage is. Recklessness is fear-filled actions masquerading as the absence of fear. Recklessness is behavior executed immaturely without regard of the consequences. Courage is raw assessment, acknowledgement of possible outcomes, and having the wisdom to make the right choice based on ability and the situation. Courage is facing your fears,  knowing your limits, and making a choice.

This brings me to Ashley. Ashley can make me laugh in almost any situation. Her brutal truth and facial expressions coupled with my sarcasm got us verbally reprimanded numerous times through school. She is quick to tell a funny story and has no problem laughing at herself if the occasion arises. It usually does.

She will reveal with blunt honesty that she is afraid of a few things. Today, I choose 2 of her fears to focus on: mascots and ferris wheels. It is not  possible to quantify an emotion: love, pain, joy, or fear.
Since fear can not be measured, it can not be deemed valid or considered senseless. It is the choice that follows that makes the difference in life.

Mark Twain said, "Courage isn't the absence of fear. It is acting in spite of it."  Now a person visiting Disney World is usually just taking a vacation. In my mind, for Ashely, this has to be the equivalent of an aqua phobic visiting an aquarium. Surprisingly enough it is one of Ashley's favorite places. Please note there are people in "giant mouse" suits among other "mascot" type costumes! And yet she goes, dragging her husband along. I suspect she takes him in case she needs a body to push at any covered character that ventures too close to her. She loves the thrill of all the rides, the food, and some part of me thinks she secretly likes the thrill of running from the employees. Adrenaline is adrenaline. Some people jump out of planes, but my friend likes to run from cartoon characters. Fear is faced in both scenarios I guess.

For our college graduation Ashley, Natalie (whom you met in the previous post), Julia (who you will meet later), and yours truly went to California to celebrate.  While there, in true friend fashion, Ashley's skittish antics kept me laughing. We each chose a place to eat. I chose Rainforest Cafe for my turn. It was complete with a mechanized gorilla near our table that would come alive in the rain storms to move and grunt. Ashley would jump in her seat every time and have to look away until the storm passed and the animals were still again. I laughed to my breaking point. She never complained, whined, or pouted. She endured, finished her food, and had the experience.

Lastly, you can't go to the Santa Monica pier without riding the Ferris wheel. In this case we didn't know Ashley hated Ferris Wheels. She rides roller coasters like a champ! Again, you don't have to understand someone's fear. You just have to be aware and let them decide what they need to do. I saw the determination in her face. This may be the only time in our lives that all 4 of us would go to California together -just us. She got on the Ferris wheel that day with no coercion from us. She rode it with a death grip on the seat and looked out over the Pacific Ocean. The point is, she did it.

These experiences are what comes to my mind first when I think of Ashley. You see, she may be my fun, fraidy-cat friend, but she doesn't let her fears stop her from experiencing anything in life  and having a great story to tell. She may have fears like everyone else, but she has courage along with them. She acts in spite of fear. I cannot respect recklessness or paralysis as responses to fear. But I can admire and applaud Ashley.

My View of You: Victim 3

Look Twice

"You only get one chance at first impression."
In some cases, I see the value in this statement, but consistency over time means more to me than any first impression! My rule of thumb is: take a first impression at face value but, find the consistency afterwards.

In the 6th grade, I transitioned out of Christian school into the public school system. Classes were easy because the previous school moved at a faster pace. Socially, however, this now-loud-mouthed extrovert, was painfully shy. I dreaded physical education class; being chosen close to last for teams was frustrating. I did not know anyone; no one knew me.  All my peers simply assumed I must be from one of the other elementary schools. Those first couple months were lonely, and I hated it. One day in the locker room, some of the rough girls were playing around bumping into one another. One of them slammed into me. Let's just say the Law of Relativity happened despite my attempt to be invisible. I hit the floor, outweighed by at least 10 pounds.

There were a few giggles, but the serious face and concerned brown eyes of Natalie appeared out of the crowd. She was sitting on a locker room bench surrounded by friends. (We had not previously met.) She got up, asked if I was okay as she helped me up, and immediately turned to the girls horse-playing (who were also bigger than her!) and mincing no words said, "Hey! Y'all need to be more careful!"

The girls muttered apologies and shrugged off the whole encounter. (Thank goodness! They could have pounded us both into the ground.) That's my friend Natalie - she has grit. We've been friends ever since. The funny thing is, she didn't remember how or when we became friends. She couldn't recall my locker room story! Why? Because that is normal behavior for Natalie. That is why it never stood out to her.  (I tell that story every chance I get!)

Roughly 17 years, later I was leaving Montana for North Carolina by car. My family had just experienced the tragic, unexpected death of my uncle right before Christmas. I was still days away, unable to be with my family who was reeling from the loss. The funeral services couldn't wait. One night from a hotel room, somewhere in Wyoming, I called home to check on my family.  I was updated on loved ones and the service was described... this stood out: "Natalie was there."

As word of the loss spread back home, I had the love and support through phone calls and texts from many friends. I am grateful for everyone one of those, but it did not occur to me that any of them would go to the services. I will never forget the fact that Natalie "stood in for me" so to speak. She went and hugged my hurting family when I was physically unable do it myself. In the midst of working two jobs; she made the time to do the uncomfortable & selfless acts that strengthen friendship. Again, she never told me she was there. I consider myself lucky to have been pushed down in the locker room so many years ago, because that event brought me a quality friend for life.  She is a friend who pulls through during tough, uncomfortable, inconvenient times! My first impression of her was right, her consistency has proven even more valuable.

Natalie is serious by nature. I maintain that she feels things so deeply you don't see the evidence on the surface.  She has always known exactly what she wanted in life. She has always had a plan and enough discipline to execute and see it through, alone.  She is independent and pretty self-sufficient. Combine all those descriptors and you will understand that Natalie can be misjudged if you only look at her on the surface. I would encourage you to look twice. You see, the truth is she doesn't need you, but she will choose you because she cares. I believe that is the highest compliment; to be someone's choice as opposed to them needing you. She isn't carefree all the time, but she is very caring.

Natalie is dependable and requires that trait in her friendships and other relationships. Her close circles are comprised of people lucky enough to see her unguarded. She jokes around, but she is steady. She is the best of both worlds. So today I wanted to show you the friend I know. This image doesn't show a different side of her, but rather the depth of her I mentioned before. After all, I don't believe people have sides;  it is really a matter of how deeply you are able to see.

My View of You: Facing The Camera

For quite some time the camera has been a multi-tool for me.  It has been my tool of trade; that catalyzed the work/travel across country.  It has been a bridge that brought a diverse collection of people from different careers, with various interests, social standing, & backgrounds into my life. It has been my companion, the only thing in the car with me at times, as I traveled.  It was a constant.  The only way I could bring the places I traveled to the people I care about.  The camera was my voice at times, when I couldn't seem to express what I was thinking or feeling.  I have even used it as a shield to keep others from getting too close. It has most importantly been my teacher. I have learned what the camera and I brought to each other, but I have learned it has taught me more about people than I ever realized.  The camera has required that I become a studier of people.  Photography for me is more than "what is their best angle?"  It is more important for me to find out WHO they are and figuratively speaking, photograph their soul.  We are so much more than what we do, where we go,  and how much money we have have/spend.  Who are you when nothing stands between you and my lens?  My goal is to photograph the authentic, true heart of a person.  With that said, so much plays into how I observe people before photographing them.  Their interactions with others, body language, eye contact, tones, and of course what they say, as well as that wealth of information in what they don't say, all comes together to help me see the true person.  All this has to be observed and translated within minutes.  The most important element when photographing people isn't great hair, makeup, or sucking in that tummy they have kept meaning to work on; it is trust.  The camera is a mirror that offers the reflection to others instead of themselves.  It will reveal their insecurities to everyone!!!  It reveals that and your true self; which is probably much prettier than you think. The secret is, if you just relax, trust the artist behind the camera, and stop worrying about the tool in between you both- you will be better off: before, during, and in the final product of your photoshoot.

What I have noticed over the years is how we see ourselves so inaccurately.  This started me thinking about how nervous I get when I am in front of the camera and how I would rather cover my face with my proverbial "blankie"/camera.  It was time for me to take a look at me. So I procrastinated. Being a people person I decided to learn from others, collect data, and then face me armed with information.  And thusly, this project took root in my mind.  I wanted to show a few of those (within my reach) around me how others see them or in this case how I see them.

So it begins.  Look out…I am still recruiting my "models/victims."
The requirements.
They do not get to tell me how to photograph them.  (Newsflash: Photographers don't like being told HOW to do their job anymore than you do.)
They do not get to do excessive primping, wardrobe planning, etc.  In fact, they don't get much warning before their shoot so that they can't cheat on this rule.
They do not get to see the back of the camera or samples before their finished product.
Essentially, they are completely letting go of all control & placing trust in someone else, me.

So here is Victim #1:
Bonnie:
Bonnie is a close friend and a talented artist/photographer.  She is an introvert by nature.  She doesn't ever go into any room vying to be the center of attention.  She is calm.  She is steady.  She is consistent.  Don't be fooled, she is ever growing and bettering herself by taking stock of her strengths to hone and weaknesses to strengthen.  She has high expectations of herself and is one of the most forgiving, encouraging, and challenging truth tellers I know. A friend that will tell you the truth vs what you want to hear is valuable.  For all that she is, she hates the front side of the camera like so many; women in particular.
Photographing your friends and family….  is ridiculously difficult (mentally).  They don't just go along with what you ask.  They debate to put it nicely. They know you. They will push you; because to them, you are their friend or family first and a professional photographer second.

Bonnie was a trooper.  Oh I got plenty of, "Are you kidding me?" "I hate this!" "Please hurry up." "Are we done now!?" And all those were only through her body language and facial expressions.

Victim #2 (you will meet later) was VERBAL in her protests.

Back to Bonnie, she has been a trusted confidant about the brightest, as well as, darkest days of my life.  She is truly one of the strongest, deepest, most understanding, and loyal people I know.

Let me introduce you to her: